The Poores : My Sister Has Breast Cancer.

On March 29, the day that we were celebrating Easter with my family, my sister Hailey told us about a lump on her Breast. Actually it wasn't a lump. It felt like a tennis ball. I felt it. It didn't feel good. She had an appointment scheduled to have it looked at in about a week and a half.

On April 1 when I woke up I had a message from Hailey asking me if I was awake, at 3 am. It was now 5 am. I messaged her back and then she called me.

She was freaking out. She had googled breast cancer. (never a good idea.) She hadn't slept all night. She was leaving for work in a bit. She was going to call our OB's office to see if they could help her get in sooner. I told her not to worry. She said "what if I have breast cancer?" I didn't know what to say. I never said you don't have breast cancer. The only thing I can remember saying is "we will deal with it if that is the case"

They were able to get her in that afternoon. I was sitting outside of Bergin's karate class when she called.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw her name "Hayz"

Several years ago while in Costa Rica I went Surfing. While out in the water the waves got HUGE. The biggest waves I had ever been in. A huge wave hit me and made me fall off of the surf board. I tossed and turned. I didn't know which way was up or down. I was spinning around. I remember thinking to myself "I can't hold my breath for one more second"

Right after that thought I popped out of the water long enough to take a deep breath and then back under water.

Again, tossing and turning and spinning, the thought came again. This time I felt water going into my mouth just trying to get air. Then out of the water again. This time my hair was across my face. My pony tail had come out and my hair had wrapped around my face.

I took a deep breath again. This time not getting much air, more hair and water from my hair.

Then back under. The next thought that came into my head "there is no way I can do that again. I am going to stop breathing"

Then my head hit sand underwater. I flipped my legs down and grabbed the sandy floor with my hands and started crawling/swimming as fast as I could. Finally I was out of the water. As soon as I could I laid down on the beach to catch my breath. I stayed there for awhile, recovering.

That feeling came rushing back when I saw her name.

I answered my phone. My sister was crying, "hi. I have breast cancer".

My heart stopped. I felt like I was underwater all over again. I couldn't breath. My chest hurt. I didn't know if it was because I wasn't breathing properly or if my heart was truly broken.

Honestly I can't even remember what was said during that phone call, other than I asked if she was driving and if anyone was with her.

I went to Bergin's Karate class. Jensen was with me. I told him about it. We were both in shock. I still couldn't breath. I was waiting to come up for air.

My sister has Breast Cancer. She is 32. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Stage 3. It has spread to her lymph nodes. This is a nightmare that I will wake up from. It has to be.

Shock.

Trying to stay positive. Needing more info. We will get good info, right? No more bad news. It's not as bad as it sounds, right?

Still trying to catch my breath.

WTF.

This schedule is not one that I want to put into my calendar. What does any of this even mean!?

Right side is clear. Left side and a few lymph nodes. Cancer has not spread anywhere else.

Stage 3.

There are 4 Stages of Cancer. How can she be in Stage 3?

I still feel like I'm under water. I need to catch my breath. My chest still hurts. My heart doesn't beat right. I want to wake up from all of this.

My sister has Breast Cancer.

I have not always been the best sister. We are 18 months apart. We didn't really get along while we were growing up. I chased her with knifes on a few occasions. We slept handcuffed together on a few occasions, because we were fighting. We fought all the time.

I'll fight again. Only this time I'll fight for her.

I owe her for the knife chasing days.

She has become one of my best friends.