Life

It has been a few months since my last blog post. A lot has happened. Life happened. Life can be a bitch sometimes. It's not all bad, or even close to all bad. I have a beautiful life for sure. I have two happy, healthy, beautiful boys. They are my whole world. I love being a mom, I love being their mom.

So backing up a few months... For the past year or so Jensen started a new business. The company did energy efficient upgrades on everything from in your home to CNG conversions on vehicles. It changed our world, even down to the cars we drove.

 It wasn't all bad. We learned a lot. Thankfully Jensen no longer has anything to do with the company or the ex-partners. The "oil" companies and people in them suck. (probably not all, but from our experience and some people we dealt with do.) I am glad my husband has more integrity, honesty, loyalty and heart then to stay in that "cut throat" business. All of the money in the world isn't worth losing those things.

Now going back to right after I had Lincoln. He was probably just under 2 weeks old.

I remember the night perfectly. Jensen has just left for a class. I was cleaning up dinner and someone knocked on my door. It was a realtor. He gave me a card for the open house up the street they were having that weekend. We got talking and he asked if we have ever thought of selling our house. (We have talked about selling our house for years.) Long story short we ended up listing our house about a week later.
Shoot me now...

The next month consisted on me getting our house ready for around 40 showings.. 40 SHOWINGS. Jensen was gone a lot during this times traveling around in hopes of expanding Custom Rustic (the successful business.) So it was me, my 2.5 year old, my 2 week old and my 2 dogs. Getting my house ready day after day for showings,  a lot of showings. I got into a routine for the showings. It sucked. It consisted of putting my dogs in the car or basement an hour and a half before I had to leave and slowly making my way to the car cleaning up toys along the way. Loading baby into the car seat, then loading Bergin into the car, go back to load Lincoln into the car... he pooped... unloading him, changing him, loading him back into car seat, then into car. Pulling out of my driveway right as people are pulling up to look at house. It was awful and busy. Too busy. I wish I could go back to that time. I wish we would have listed our house before I had Lincoln. I wish he was that little again. I wish I didn't have to put my dogs in the basement by themselves while I mopped paw prints off of the floor. I wish I had Loggers paw print to mop off of the floor still. Any floor would work. (More about that in a minute.) I love his paw prints in this picture. This was the last time he would walk through snow.

So, after however many showings that we had. We got an offer. We countered a few times and then accepted. I cried. I was already missing my house before it was even gone. My babies were born there. We started our family there. We made our home there. Our life was there. Little did I know I wouldn't be sad about our house not being ours anymore. Something else took all my sadness. My heart broke and hurt too much to even think about our house not being ours anymore.

The day that we closed on our house (and closed on a new house. Post about this later.) My heart broke. We lost our first furry baby that we had together. Our 6 year old Yellow Lab Logger was killed by our new neighbors horse. I was still in Utah with our kids. Jensen was in Idaho at our new house with our dogs. Logger had been wandering and they think he was kicked and suffered from internal injuries. I hope he died quickly. I hope he didn't suffer. I am glad that when they left about 5 days earlier I went to Jensen's truck and said goodbye to my dogs, like I always do. I am glad Logger came over to me and while I hugged him , he laid his head on my shoulder for what seemed like an extra long time. I miss him so much it hurts. I never thought I would miss his craziness, his barking for you to throw the ball for the millionth time. He always made himself known, whether it was his head on your leg, him laying at your feet or taking up the whole bed. He was always there. I would give anything to have him here. We miss you little man.

Life has been crazy for awhile now. I'm sure it will always be crazy, but in different ways. We sold a house, bought a house out of state, moved out of a house and into two houses, ended a business, expanded a business, lost a dog and got a new dog. All while raising two happy boys! I am so thankful for my beautiful family. We miss Logger so so much. He will always have a huge piece of our hearts.