**UPDATE**

OK: so it has been awhile since I have updated the blog. I joined Face book, with it being new and fast it has come first before the blog, so here is an update, hopefully I can remember and I am also using this as sort of a journal for myself to look back on so here it goes.... CHRISTMAS So the last posts were of Christmas, when Heidi came home for a visit which was great. I wish she would come home more often. I also like always had a great time with Jensen's family. I am very lucky for not only my family but for Jensen's awesome family as well. Throughout this post if you don't know my family or Jensen's family you will see how truly lucky I am for the people in my life. NEW YEARS OK so next after Christmas.... New Years! We spent the weekend in Denver seeing Widespread Panic. Ever since Jensen and I have been married we have spent our Anniversary's and New Years seeing Panic somewhere around the world. We really enjoy this. We have met several good friends that we see every show we go to and we have a really good time. Molly, Paxton and Dane were also with us on New Years. We love spending time with them! WINTER TIME NO WORK Jensen and the guys took the winter off and spent a lot of time snowboarding, skiing, snowmobiling and hanging out! In March they went back to work and are very happy about it! We had Jensen's cousin Sean living with us for a few months, he was a very quite roommate! He is also our "Dog sitter" when we go out of town. Our dogs love him, especially Logger!! LOGGER Speaking of Logger... he has a new hairstyle!! For all of you who know me, I am a clean freak!! I can't stand my house being dirty... Because of that my dogs get frequent haircuts, Logger's new hair style in our opinion fits him very well! He has a Mohawk.... from head to tale! It is so funny, my family thinks that it is mean! But to tell you the truth he loves it because it gets him so much attention, which he loves!! FAMILY Ok so next on the list of what has happened from then to now... Zuta's birthday was on the 16Th of Jan. All of the girls (-Heidi) and Kohl and Beck, spent some time together going to lunch and then going shopping! We had a great time together! The next day Heather found out that she was pregnant, 2 days later I found out that I was as well! Heather and I were due 2 weeks apart, with my due date falling on Jensen's birthday!! The funny thing about my finding out/due date is that last year Hailey found out almost the exact same day as i did, with the same original due date falling on Jensen's birthday. DUE DATES OK so my due date September 25Th, Heather due date September 2ND. Lots of emotions running through our family right now. It was kind of a shocker for both Heather and I. Jensen and I have decided several months ago that we were ready for a baby and whenever it happened we were ready! Last summer I had to have a few surgery's and after the recovery of both, that is when we decided we are ready! Heather, trying to make the best of a situation for her and trying to figure out what is right for her.. is she keeping the baby? Is she giving the baby up for adoption to a family that wants children but can't? I have had several conversations about this topic. I can't imagine going through what my little sister is going through right now. I hope she reads this and knows how much I love her and I am sorry for the arguments, I am sorry for what you are going through and just know that no matter what you do, you have my love and support! VACATION: MANY UPS, MANY DOWNS, A VACATION I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER So a few weeks pass by.. Jensen and I, before we found out that I was pregnant, were planning a vacation to Honduras, but now I can't go scuba diving, so we decide last minute let's go to Mexico! We try to go back to Mexico every year, we love it there, we always go the the same places. The presidente, Le Kliff where we got married, the restaurant that we have our "rehearsal dinner" in that I can't remember the name but the have the most AMAZING tortilla soup that you'll ever eat! We also always visit Sayulita, one of our most favorite places in the world!! OK so we make our reservations leaving February 9-20. We got a last minute deal booking less than 2 weeks before we leave! We go to the airport Monday the 9Th in the morning, Sean drops us off, everything as usual...Check in, check bags, hope they are not too heavy so that you don't have to pay an extra $15 and while they are weighing thinking in your head of all the stuff you probably didn't need to bring but you did anyways just in case. K so the bags are fine, get boarding passes, be on our way, go through security, have to remove shoes, sweatshirt, sit there freezing because you beep anyways and have to be searched even more... OK get through that you get dressed again after having to remove pretty much everything. Then you see what time it is and realize you have 2 hours before your plane leaves, we decide to go eat some "airport" breakfast... Airport food sucks, but it is food. Oh ya forgot something... me being 8.5 weeks pregnant have not gotten morning sickness, but one thing I did get is really really car sick, if I have nothing in my stomach... OK so eating crappy airport food, finish, stroll around airport looking at magazines, buying an over priced bottle of water and then just sitting there being bored... Next we bored plane, it is packed!!! It's hot, they have to remove bags because I guess the plane is too heavy, so we sit there, being hot and cramped thinking about how happy I am it's a short plane ride to LA. The snow is falling really hard outside and it would be nice if we could get some of that cool air inside the hot, stuffy, over crowded plane! So the reverse, we De-ice, captain comes on, we have been cleared for take of blah blah, seat belt demo blah blah. We are getting ready to take off, we stop on runway, captain comes on says a passenger has paramedics waiting for her at the terminal something is wrong with her we have to take her back, turn around drop her off and then the same thing over again, reverse, De-ice, cleared for take off, getting ready to take off, stop, captain comes on, we are having engine problems, have to go back and have maintenance look at the problem. Turn around, maintenance "fixes" the broken engine, then once more, reverse, De-ice, cleared for take off, this time going fast enough that I thought for sure we were taking off, stop, captain: "engine problems again" turn around go back. Next is fighting with the airline attendant, PASSENGERS: we want off the plane. ATTENDANT: well this plane is going to get you there faster than any other plane and your connecting flights are waiting for you. ME: I don't care about my "connecting plane" I am not getting to my connecting plane on THIS BROKEN PLANE. ATTENDANT: sit down your causing commotion! ME: I am not going ANYWHERE on this plane, pushing by her, the captain comes on and says its a 5-6 hour fix so go the the ticket desk and figure out a new way. They should not fix that stupid plane it should go to the DUMP!!! TICKET CHANGING! Go to ticket counter, tell them about broken plane, here are the options; leave in a few hours, have 7 layovers, get there in like 25 hours.... NOPE, NEXT... OK in 2 days you can have the same flight schedule that you were on today... OK YES WE WILL TAKE IT! Call Sean to come back and get us.. next step, luggage counter.... man behind the counter: "Not sure where you luggage is, description of it, your address, we will have it deliver to you." Me (and I am NOT happy.) "the plane is broken our luggage is out there, have someone go and take it off of the plane and brought to us. man behind the counter: "well we don't know if your luggage is on that plane or a different plane" Me: "Are you kidding me?????" Jensen: "Holley go outside I will talk to him." LUGGAGE OK so next step is we wait for our luggage... No guarantees we will get it before we leave in 2 days... go home, dogs are really confused as to why we are back already, Logger doesn't really care he just wants to play and Hagen is very happy, she hates when we leave. So we wait, no luggage, keep checking online.. Status: LOST. Several phone calls later, we find out luggage is at LAX, being personally put on a plane going to Puerto Vallarta. Your luggage will be there waiting for you. OK so we wont have any problems??? Lady on phone: well there are no guarantees but HOPEFULLY you wont have any problems. ME: OK well what if its not there? LADY: I guess you can pack another bag.. ME: Well all of my summer clothes are in that bag.. LADY: sorry I cant guarantee anything... AHHHHHHHH! At this point I am thinking should we just not go??? A couple hours later I call Puerto Vallarta airport and the nice man tells me I am looking at your bags right now and I do guarantee they will be here! Oh good!!! I'm happy... So I have this nightmare that we are on the same flight and the plane is broken and we crash... So I see there is another flight that has a different layover and we get there an hour earlier.. I call to change the flight. I am told that we were on a flight yesterday that we no showed for (the flight that got us there with 7 layovers and 20 some odd hours later.) I tell her sorry there must be a problem we changed our flight to a flight leaving tomorrow. He tells me well I see that and then they changed all of the passengers on the broken plane to this flight that you no showed for.... I AM PISSED!!!!! I AM YELLING!!!! Stop telling me I no showed for this stupid flight, we changed our flight so we are leaving tomorrow so change it back...... THIS IS HIS RESPONSE AND IF I WAS STANDING NEXT TO HIM WHEN HE TOLD ME THIS I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM!!!! No joke!! Response: I see that you changed your flight leaving tomorrow but you changed your flight back to yesterday and you no showed for your flight... I would be happy to change it back to the flight tomorrow but that will be $100 per passenger..... I LOST IT!!!! Need I say more about this.. After a few choice words and hanging up on him, I called someone else back got a very nice lady this time that said I am so sorry someone was going to charge you $200.00 for our mistake and took care of it.... With all of the emotions I was feeling anyway.... I was VERY upset and pissed off... Oh well we made it to Mexico the next day with no problems, we just had to wait like an hour for our bags..... MEXICO Finally here, warm, sunny, the smells are all so strong good and bad! We get our jeep and we drive to Sayulita.. We stay in a house for 2 nights, over the hill from town, we relaxed, we walk on the beach, we sit by the pool, we eat dinner on the beach, we just hang out enjoying the time with each other and often talking about the future with our little "Tadpole". CASA AMARILLO We go to sleep that night I wake up several times. my arms are itching and burning, i go in the bathroom my arms are bright red, i put bug spray and lotion and a sweatshirt on.. I go back to bed... I hear buzzing in my ears.. I put my hood on and tuck my sleep into the blanket so nothing can get in... Next morning I wake up first.. I make coffee, Jens wakes up and I show him my left arm.... from my elbow to my wrist... 35 bites! Jensen has like 2... I am going around the room with a towel kidding all of the mosquitoes, the walls are white there are little red dots everywhere now.. I smash one in between my hands and then there is blood on my hands... I start to wonder if mosquitoes can pass aids???? I wash my hands. Jensen hits his open bag on the floor with his foot as he is walking by..... Hundreds of mosquitoes fly out.. We go to the store get bug spray and kill all of them!!! Yeah no more!!! Oh ya, Jens got really sunburned.. he matched my maroon wallet Day 3 CASA DOS AMIGOS Friday the 13Th!!!! I hate Friday the 13Th.... Oh well, same old stuff you do in Mexico, walk around, people watch, walk on the beach, eat, sit there, Jensen went surfing. I sat there, talked to this nice couple from Iowa. It was there first time to Sayulita.. They took the bus there, really liked it there, they always stay right in Puerto Vallarta downtown area. VALENTINES So on Valentines Day we hung out by the beach, Jensen went surfing. It was a same common day in Mexico, we had a nice dinner that night and then just hung out for the rest of the night! It was a perfect Valentines Day, I was in one of my favorite places in the world, with my favorite person in the world! MEETING OUR SOON TO BE FOREVER FRIENDS Talk about being at the right place in the right time! Day after Valentine's Day, we eat breakfast and head to the beach. Clouds had been moving in around 2:30pm so we wanted to sit in the sun for as long as possible. This was the first trip to Sayulita where the beach was not just packed with people. It was kind of a ghost town really! So we sit down on some chairs, man comes over and says you have to pay to sit here. OK so we give him the money and we are relaxing. A few hours later this family sits down next to us. There was the Mom (Dianna), Dad (Bill), 3 Sons & 2 Girlfriends (Nick, Sean & Julie, Derek & Courtney) So we spent the day talking with our new friends from Canada! Jensen hit it off with them right away (he makes friends everywhere we go and who wouldn't love him!) At this time I started not feeling very well, I thought maybe I had gotten too much sun, I was cold so I was sitting there with my Jacket on, I wanted to go to sleep.. So they day went on, we spent the whole day with them and went to dinner with them that night. We got to know all of them and we felt this instant connection to all of them! After dinner Jensen went back to there place they were renting in Sayulita (until the renters were out of their house in Bucerias.) I went back to our place because I was not feeling very well. I had started spotting a bit and was very nervous about it. I called my mom and Erin and they told me to just try to relax and that it can be a common thing during pregnancy. So I was just laying down listening to music and reading my book, the chapter about Mis-carriages. I got very nervous because at this point I no longer had the few symptoms that I have had. NEXT DAY, LEAVING SAYULITA Next Day, wake up and pack up the Jeep and head to The Presidente. (Just south of Puerto Vallarta.) I was still not feeling very well. We leave Sayulita, on our drive we can't stop talking about our new friends! We were so happy to meet these people, we told them we would come and see them in Bucerias and they were also going to come and see us at our Hotel! THE PRESIDENTE We LOVE this place! WE pull into the hotel and we see Roberto the Bellman stick his head around the corner and yell, "Hey Jensen!" We check in and they tell us they are going to upgrade us! We walk into our room and we realize they upgraded us to the same room that we stayed in when we got married!! We spent the day hanging out watching TV (we didn't have TV for a week and we were kind of going crazy!), whale watching, people watching! We went to dinner came back and I took a nap around 7pm, still not feeling well. I woke up at 8:30pm in pain, not just pain but MAJOR pain... I was also bleeding VERY bad.. I spent the next several hours in pain, back and forth to the bathroom, throwing up, laying in a ball. Poor Jensen didn't know what to do. All I wanted was something for the pain... Jensen said maybe try to go to sleep. So I try and go to sleep which I did fall asleep for about 30 min. And then the same thing... back and forth to the bathroom and in a lot of pain.. At 4:30am I had a miscarriage. It was one of the worst things I had ever been through in my entire life. I didn't know what to do, all I could do was cry. NEXT DAYS TO COME I got about an hour of sleep. When Jensen woke up I told him what had happened, we let our Mom's and some close friends know what had happened. Jensen and I spent the day just being together and talking about things. All the kind words from our friends and family will never be forgotten. Our friends we had met in Sayulita showed up at our Hotel today. I really think they were put into our lives at that moment for a reason. Dianna and Julie I became very close to... It was like having my mom and sister there for me just when I needed them! I cannot express to them how much it meant to me to have them there for me during one of the hardest things in my life. I hope they are reading this and know how much they mean to me and I can never thank them enough for being there for me! We ended up spending several days with them before we left, we MANY highlights! One that is strongest in my mind is Bill on the boogie board being taken out by a huge wave. It was very funny, but we were very sorry that his back hurt for the rest of his trip. LEAVING MEXICO Leaving Mexico was VERY hard and EMOTIONAL. We were leaving our "Tadpole" (as we called it) in Mexico, one of our most favorite places in the world. I came to Mexico pregnant and left Mexico empty.. Back to reality and for real this time.. REALITY The next several weeks were really tough. We found out I have A- Blood type and Jensen is O+. Did that cause the miscarriage?? Who knows, it was just not suppose to happen for us at the time for a reason we will never know. It was not easy. I was angry, why did this happen to me? I was depressed, I was emotional. I will never know the whys... Day after day I was depressed and angry and I just wanted to snap out of it. The crappy weather had not been helping at all. I just wanted to go back to Mexico. I now really have a strong connection with Mexico. It was the first vacation Jensen took me on when we started dating, I fell in Love with Jensen there, We were married there, we had so many good memories there, and now the last visit there I had to leave Tadpole there. Why did it happen to me? I stayed angry and depressed. A VISIT FROM CANADA! Sean came to stay with us for a week. We had a great time (I wish Julie came tho!) We took him to a Jazz game, snowboarding, snowmobiling. We really enjoyed his visit! TODAY I know this post has been long, trust me I have been writing it now for weeks. For those of you that have read it to here, Thank You! I am feeling a lot better now. As days go on I snap out of it. I am not angry anymore, because I didn't have it in me anymore.. I didn't know who to be angry at and I just started being angry at my self.. Maybe if I would have done something different?? I don't know... I just have no more emotion in me. I am feeling better and becoming my self again, but it has been a very hard thing to go through. If the weather ever gets better than maybe that will help! We do have some upcoming trips that I am looking forward to! We are going to Orange Beach, AL for 6 days and next month to honduras for 8 days! Can't wait.. I just want to say thank you to those that have helped me through rough times. I love you all and I can't thank you enough! Sorry this was so long, I wont wait as long next time for an update!!